You’ve probably heard the expression ‘All fur coat and no knickers’ used to describe one who is superficially impressive with nothing underneath to back it up. Out fishing the other day it occurred to me that this could be applied to a certain kind of fly fisherman I now see more often on the bank. To look at them you’d think they’ve stepped out of a fishing tackle advert in a magazine or the pages of an expert website. They’ll be kitted out in all the latest gear, chest waders in the modish shade of battleship grey, the capacious net dangling from their back, a shiny new rod and, crucially, a well manicured beard. Atop their heads they will be sporting a cap with a logo.
I imagine this has a lot to do with the numerous how-to-do-it fly fishing videos, the guides, the websites and magazines all showing how the serious fisherman looks. In my experience they may well drive a mighty 4×4 vehicle which takes up at least two parking spaces in the small car park by the river. They’ve seen what the successful angler looks like, the bending rods, the copious fish catching, all the fashionable gear and they wish to emulate this. What they miss, of course, is the careful movement along the bank so as not to scare the fish, the accurate casting and all the boring bits edited out.
Recently I arrived at the river to find a whopping grey motor that looked like an inflated jeep, occupying two spaces in the small layby with its rear end jutting out into the road. From the bridge I could see its driver standing tall in the water with a light cap on his head. Why someone should go to the trouble of sombre clothing only to wear something so visible on the highest point is a conundrum, solved of course by realising the angler is in thrall to the ads. They may as well carry a big white sign aloft that says “Hello fish, I’m here”.
Well, I followed this guy from a distance as he progressed upriver, overlooking quiet fish rises in several places. I took advantage and ducked into these spots for a bit of non-expert fishing. Later on I bumped into him as he came back down. Close up I could see the sophistication of his kit. His waders even had in-built knee pads though from earlier observation I don’t think he’d made use of them. Quite why anglers always wear chest waders is a puzzle to me. They are a pain to put on and take off and wading should always be a last resort — it’s an excellent way to spook fish. On the chalk streams where I mostly fish, wading is generally not allowed. Where it is allowed certain anglers spend their entire day in the middle of the stream.
Anyway, I engaged in a little polite discourse with the fisherman and asked whether he’d had anything. ‘A few,’ he said lightly, as though he never failed. Now this piece of river is one in which rises are measured as a few, never mind conversions to fish in the net. So I had my doubts. Then he remarked on the lack of fly life as though this were unusual. I don’t believe there’s a water in the country that has regular fly hatches anymore. ‘I was hoping to see a few large dark olives,’ he said. This is late July, mind. Clearly this expert was not well informed on aquatic flies, and I suspect on much else to do with fishing. I can’t say for sure he hadn’t caught a few, I can only suggest that when you’re a freshly minted ‘expert’, failure is not an option.
The Secret Angler 